I wrote this letter to you, just try to tell you that I'm fine here.
My health are good, and so is my live.
You know Mom, since the last time we meet. i don't know what time is it. i'm already forget coz it so long ago. I think that you are right.
when I was child, you always told me a story about, a man that try chasing his dream. and he failed, but he died happily in the end. In that time until a few days ago, i think that was a bullshit.
How could he can't reach his dream but die happily. a dream that become his obsession on his life.
Few days ago, something happened to me. someone came to me for a business thing, you know.
his an old guy, 50 to 60 maybe. and one day, when we had lunch, he told me story about his own life.
he said that when he was young, he was an ambitious guy, capable to do every kind of task that given to him. clever guy, good career track that can lead him to his own dream. to become top leader from a respectable company. he did everything on the track. live to reach the dream.
But in process, he feels emptiness, he feels like chasing his own shadow. every time he did a great work he feels more empty. his confused about the situation. then he took a rest for couple of days. to set back and review his journeys of life.
in that moment, he realize. that his wasting his time of life. "How could ?" i ask.
he said, by always in the right track to reach his dream, he left the pleasure of live. the pleasure being some body, the pleasure to be a human being. the pleasure to become a husband, father, son, uncle, nephew...
he said to me, i wish i can realized this sooner. then i would not feel this misery.
you man, he said to me. are exactly the same person like me in the past, but hopefully you not have the same future like me.
Mom, first of all, i can't believe that i could hear such of things from this guy. a real success person. a role model for every young professional in business. but from what i read from magazines, some people that already work for him for a few years, they said it's true. he regrets his achievement, because he cannot longer being a person for his real family...
people judge him from the way he make decision for his company, and how he runs the business. not from the way how he manage his family, how he can responsible for his son that arrested because drugs. and rumors about his wife that cheating with other guy.
Mom, i feel stupid now. I feel like in middle of nowhere and don't know where to go. how i can go from this place. i feel emptiness.
Save me, bring back my soul with your words of wisdom. with your love and companion...
i miss you so much, and love you. forgive me for my stupidity.
love,
your son
